Last Breath
by EdenLeighanne163
Summary: Brittany thinks back to her life with her wife and how short life actually is


**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Glee**

**Here is just something quick that I thought of so sorry if it isn't very good. I hope you like it anyway :) **

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I didn't think I would ever have to be in this position. Even thinking about losing someone you love isn't something a person thinks of on a daily basis but now here I am at my wife's bedside holding her hand wishing that I could be anywhere else bit here. It has been a hard road the past year and I just wish that a miracle would happen to make her better but they don't happen very often. It all started with her just getting dizzy frequently then it developed to her getting serious headaches to her personality changing and weakness over the left side of her body. Unfortunately by the time they found it, it was too large to remove. No one imagines anyone they love dying because who wants the love of their life to die?

I met the love of my life when I was in kindergarten. I was playing in the sandbox when two bullies came up to me and destroyed what was making and obviously when you are that age something like that would upset you so I ended up in tears over it with them laughing at me. It was not a fun experience. Anyway a girl came over and started yelling at these boys and threatened then that if they ever picked on me again she would make sure made them cry ten times harder. They ran so fast I thought they would have bumped into something. She told me her name was Santana and she wanted to become my friend. Obviously when you are that age making a new friend is an easy thing to do so I accepted and we became best friend. From then on we were inseparable. Our parents had trouble even keeping us apart but even when they tried, we got around it.

As Santana and I grew older we became closer and closer. It was something people just seemed to accept and they thought we were just really close best friends and for years that was technically true but when we entered high school, everything changed. We joined the Cheerios that made us popular and I loved it because I got to dance all the time which is one of my passions. Dancing began, for me, when I was three years old. Mom put me in dance class because she wanted me to do something except from sitting at home watching tv, so she put me in ballet class. I was skeptical at first because I wasn't very good at making new friends usually and when you're not good at that it wasn't exactly easy to feel accepted into a class, but as soon as I stepped into it, I felt right at home. It felt as though I was supposed to be there because my feet just followed what the teacher was doing and I picked everything up really fast. By the time I was five I could dance three different dances and that was within two years of just starting to dance. It has been special to me ever since and in some respect it still is. Anyway Santana and I joined the Cheerios as I said and everything was going great. We met a girl called Quinn Fabray and she started to hang around with us too. It was nice because we had sleepovers and everything which is what your high school experience is supposed to be like. Santana and I still had our time together too even with Quinn joining us. But when it got to sophomore year things started to change. I was used to seeing Santana in her underwear but one night when she was getting changed at my house I felt my heart beat faster than it usually did and I suddenly felt very nervous to be around her. My feelings started to change and I wasn't sure whether I wanted that. Who wants to develop a crush on their best friend exactly?

As the months went on my feelings got worse and I knew that I was starting to develop a crush on Santana. It didn't bother me she was a girl since I remember having a crush on a girl in middle school but it was the fact that it was Santana that I had known since I was five years old. I hated thinking about her that way but it did start to make sense. She was my best friend who I had known for a while and she wasn't exactly ugly. She was gorgeous actually and I had noticed that since I was young but I just thought it was me appreciating the way she looked. Apparently not. Anyway one night we went to a party Puck had arranged. All of the footballers and cheerleaders attended so San and I attended too. That night changed my entire life. Whilst we were there we chatted to different cheerleaders and footballers and even danced with a few people but after a while we got very drunk. We were dancing together quite intimately might I add when Santana turned around and whispered in my ear about going upstairs with her and since I didn't think anything of it, I agreed. She took my hand, which wasn't unusual for us, and took me to one of the bedrooms and this is the weird thing. She kissed me. I mean she just pushed me into the room and kissed me. She claimed it was to practice for when we got to kiss boys but I knew better. It was too intimate for just practice so I just went along with it but one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. See what I mean by it changing my life? Yeah things kind of escalated from there.

Just seeing her laying in bed like this was heartbreaking. All I can think about is wanting to see her smile and I can imagine her telling me not to be upset over this and that these things happen but no, it doesn't. We are only 30 years old so why is this happening to her? She has done nothing wrong to anyone and she is the one that is laying on her death bed right now. You don't realize how little time you have in life and that every day you should cherish because you don't know when you could be taken from the world. I wish I could trade places with Santana because she doesn't deserve this. I love her too much to let her go like this but right now, her brain is gone. The doctor told me that she can't live on and the only thing keeping her alive is the life machine she is hooked to and even though I am being incredibly selfish right now, I can't handle telling the doctors to turn the life support off. It will kill me to do so but I remember Santana telling me that when she gets to this stage, I need to be brave enough to let her go. She is already gone but her body is still alive which is what i am holding onto. To think that not only I will be affected but our son will be too. We had a son together five years ago since we had stable jobs and everything but now, I will have to raise him alone without the support of my wife. Now all I will have are memories of her. I really wish I could just turn back time and find the signs so she could have been saved. I can just feel my heart breaking looking at her. My eyes hadn't stopped watering since she had been in this condition and I'm honestly surprised I hadn't dried out yet. I held her hand between mine stroking the top of it looking at how perfect she looked. I smiled leaning down kissing her hand closing my eyes letting my tears fall.

Being friends who kissed with Santana wasn't exactly easy. Yes, it was amazing to kiss her because my stomach went crazy but when I saw her kissing other guys? Well let's just say I didn't feel too good after that. I felt a feeling inside me that I hadn't felt before. All I wanted to do was go up to that guy and just punch him and pull Santana away. Yes, I was starting to become jealous of other guys. It was horrible since I had never felt like that when I had seen her with other people before. I think it was because of my crush on her that I was acting like this. I wouldn't tell her about it obviously but I still wanted to punch the guys she kissed or hurt them without Santana knowing. I know I am generally innocent but in high school my inner feelings weren't very nice against other guys around my crush. Santana and I did kiss more and more and we did eventually start having sex more than just the first time we did it. It was special to me since she was my first but she doesn't know that. Well she didn't then anyway. Things started to become more complicated since she was insistent that it was what friends do for one another but I knew that this was more than just sex. It was a lot more but she wouldn't believe me when I told her so I kept quiet after that. I wasn't going to cause arguments with her but it did make me feel sad when she mentioned having sex with someone else. I didn't want her doing that but what could I do really? She was going to do whatever she wanted anyway and I couldn't do anything about it. But what Santana didn't know was that I can get my own back on people and since she was deciding to sleep with other people then so would I.

This continued all the way through junior year as well but the difference was that I noticed Santana starting to open up more about her feelings. But the funny thing is that she started opening up more when I started to date Artie. Funny how she decides to open up after I get a boyfriend and not before. But obviously just because she was opening up to me didn't make a difference. She was still scared about her feelings so breaking it off with Artie was not going to solve anything. He was a really nice guy and I wasn't going to ruin the relationship we had. I really liked him and Santana was just opening up because she knew she didn't have me all to herself. She was a very jealous person. She even got me to sleep with her whilst being with Artie which I felt guilty for and her opinion was that since the plumbing was different, it wasn't classed as cheating. I'm not stupid and I knew what cheating was but I did it just to keep having sex with Santana. I enjoyed it and she made me feel good so who was I to stop doing that? Later on that year Artie and I eventually did break up when he called me stupid but Santana and I didn't jump into a relationship or anything. She had to work her feelings out and so did I. I knew what I wanted of course but she kept pretending to be with guys and it hurt. She had gone out with Sam that year and got Karofsky to be her beard. I thought they were together at the time so it really did hurt seeing as she told me how she felt and that she was in love with me only weeks before. See what I mean about complicated?

All I had wanted was Santana. Just her and no one else and eventually I did get that in my senior year. It was the best year of my life and things just went from perfect from there on out. I did have to repeat my senior year but we did it long distance and it worked out. She came home every other weekend and made sure to spend as much time as possible with me. It always made my heart beat faster and I loved how she made it work and after my repeat of senior year we finally was able to move to New York together and start our lives. And we did actually. We studied at college but we had our own apartment and got through any problems we faced. It was worth going through the pain knowing I would be with the woman I loved for the rest of my life and I truly believed that at the time. She was my everything and she still is. But the thing is that everything was perfect then and now, everything is a disaster. I know that I will have to move with Jonah, our son, to another apartment. I won't be able to cope being there without memories just hitting me every day. I always knew why it didn't work out with anyone else. It was because Santana was meant to be my soul mate and we were meant to be together forever but then again, what if this was supposed to happen? You never know what is going to happen until it does happen. I've heard about people's partners dying before and it is always heartbreaking to hear and now I understand why. It kills you inside. One thing I will always remember is our wedding day.

Santana proposed to me on our fifth anniversary and, of course, I said yes so we started planning for the wedding and we got married on our sixth anniversary when we were 24 years old. It was perfect and I will never forget that day. It is a day I will remember for the rest of my life and I now know, for sure, that I won't get married again. I can't. There is no one else that compares to the woman I am with right now. She is beautiful and she just knows me better than anyone else. I love being in her arms and how she tells me she loves me no matter what. She makes me a cup of coffee every morning without fail and we even had an agreement to never go to bed angry which we did go through. She is my life and without her, I'm nothing. I heard the door open behind me so I turned my head around seeing Quinn and my parents walk in. They actually didn't say anything but Quinn walked up to me standing beside me putting a hand on my shoulder for comfort. We all knew what was going to happen but no one wanted to accept it. I certainly didn't and I don't think her parents did either.

"Brittany, the doctor is coming in soon. Did you want Jonah to be kept outside?" Mom asked quietly.

"Bring him in. He needs to say goodbye to Santana. He has as much right as anyone else." I responded sharply looking back at Santana. "He looked up to her and I can't just not let him say goodbye. He needs to."

I heard footsteps signaling that she walked out of the room to get him. I squeezed Santana's hand even though I knew that she couldn't feel it. She was gone and I knew that but she still looked the same. Just as perfect and just as beautiful. How was I supposed to say that they could pull the plug? Santana's parents both passed away around the time of our wedding which was a difficult time so since I'm her wife, it is my decision whether to allow them to pull the plug on the life support but since she was brain dead and had been in this condition for weeks there is nothing that can be done. It is Santana's wish so I am going to respect her wish no matter how hard it is for me. I heard small footsteps and a hand on my leg. I looked down and saw Jonah. I smiled with tears in my eyes and picked him up putting him on my knee.

"Listen baby I think it's time you said goodbye to mami. She isn't going to get better honey and I know this is hard to understand but I think she would appreciate it if you said goodbye to her." I explained the best I could. It's not like I could just go into details but from a young age he's been quite calm in most situations. He doesn't usually cry until he's away from the situation which meant a long night tonight.

"Okay mommy." He agreed with a nod of his head and turned to look at Santana. "Hi mami. Mommy says it's time to say goodbye to you and it's really sad because I'll miss you reading to me at night and tucking me in and waking me up from my naps with a kiss and how you cook the awesomest brownies! I'll really miss you but I won't forget you either. I love you mommy."

I watched him climb onto the bed and kiss her cheek then move back down to me cuddling into me. That had to be the most cutest and most upsetting thing I've ever had to witness. I never wanted him to grow up without one of us but now it is happening, it's hard to believe. I felt my eyes starting to fill with tears and by the looks of it Quinn had noticed since she bend down and picked Jonah up from my lap telling me that she'd look after him. My parents walked out with her knowing that it was time for me to say goodbye. I never wanted to do this and I never thought I would have to but I guess this is it. I'd been by her side the entire time and now I had to say the goodbye speech I took her hand and kissed it looking at her. There was so much to say but how do I begin?

"Hey sweetheart. I don't know really what to say to you at this time because...it's heartbreaking having to do this. You're my life and now a part of me is going to be taken away from me." I began starting to cry slightly. "I-I love you s-so much S-San. How do you live without someone w-who has been a huge part of your life for so long? I-I can't but I also h-have no choice. Remember when you beat up those bullies for me in kindergarten? I will always remember that day. A-Along with the day we got married. I will m-m-miss you s-so much Santana. I'll never f-forget you, b-baby."

That was all I could cope before I burst out into tears. I held onto her hand tightly not wanting to let her go. I needed her and she was being taken away from me. My life would be completely different without her and now I had to face that. I stood up and leant down kissing her on the lips before pulling away stroking her hair looking at her. Life is a crazy thing where things happen to people in all sorts of ways. The thing about losing a loved one though is that when someone you love has to become a memory then that memory becomes a treasure and that is the one thing she knows she has to remember. Santana will always be part of my heart and I know that I will never be with anyone else that is like her. I can't love someone as much as I love my wife.

The door opened and I watched the doctor walk in along with the rest of my friends and family. I walked back from the bed and stood with everyone else. The doctor walked towards the machine that was keeping Santana alive and after a nod from me, he turned it off removing the tubes that were attached to it. I watched my wife take her last breath weeks ago now so when I hear the dreaded beep of the heart monitor I can't take it and I burst into tears right there feeling Quinn and my mom comforting me. Even with her being in a better place, I want her back with me. I want to wrap my arms around her and feel her arms back around me, hear her voice in my ear, hearing her laughter and to see her right there everyday when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night but I can't. That was it. My wife is gone forever.

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